Ted Turner’s Vague, Quixotic Quest to Save the West
The shining mountains and rolling green hills at Turner’s Flying D Ranch, located just south of Bozeman, Montana. Photo courtesy Turner Enterprises.
Turner’s brand of privatization-for-preservation contradicts Montana’s hard-won land ethic
By Brent Zundel
For the Bozeman Magpie
February 25, 2014
Ted Turner fishes a stream flowing through his property. Photo courtesy Kurt Markus, Outside Magazine.
Everyone from United Nations admirers to global environmentalists lauds Ted Turner as a hero. “Last Stand,” Bozeman-based author Todd Wilkinson’s in-depth biography, subtitled “Ted Turner’s Quest to Save a Troubled Planet,” purports to delve into this “fascinating and flawed” man, but the result is more adoring prose than objective journalism.
Apart from recycling tired and easily brushed-aside criticisms of Turner’s brash “Mouth of the South” style and Montanans’ initial annoyances with him, Wilkinson’s biography does not delve deeply into Turner’s interactions with and impact on the people living in this state.
If Turner is saving the world, why then doesn’t he enjoy that unabashedly positive reputation in Montana? Read More…
Can I Pay for that Whiskey with Dark Money?
Fly rod and whiskey flask — the perfect Montana combination. Photo courtesy Bozeman Spirits Distillery
By Brent Zundel
For the Bozeman Magpie
August 25, 2013
Author’s Note: This article originally appeared in the Bozeman Magpie. Mr. Art Wittich did not respond to multiple requests for comment until after this piece was published. The piece below has been updated to reflect his statements.
A lawsuit that was filed against the City of Bozeman in June could have wide-ranging impacts on Montana’s burgeoning distillery industry. The law firm of Montana Senate Majority Leader Art Wittich, R-Bozeman, is leading a suit against the City of Bozeman for allowing a new microdistillery to open its doors in Bozeman’s historic downtown.
In May, the Bozeman City Commission approved a conditional use permit that would allow Bozeman Spirits Distillery and Tasting Room to open at 121 West Main Street, the property previously occupied by Schnee’s, a footwear and outdoor clothing retailer. That would put the new distillery within Bozeman’s historic downtown, right next door to the landmark Baxter Hotel. Jim R. Harris, III, is the would-be proprietor of Bozeman Spirits, a man who’s lived in Bozeman for over two decades and helped co-found the popular Outside Bozeman magazine.
Brit Fontenot, Bozeman’s Directory of Economic Development, welcomed the potential addition of a microdistillery to downtown. Read More…
Educating Montana’s Sons and Daughters
Photo by Kate Juedes, MSU Exponent
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
April 25, 2013
He just deferred a position with Teach For America (TFA) to accept an English teaching position in Germany with the Fulbright Program. His new fiancé is going to Germany with him — on a Fulbright of her own. They both graduated with high honors from the University of Montana in fall 2012.
By all accounts, Paul Asleson and Alice Krebill are exactly the type of people our state needs: intelligent, driven, successful and passionate about educating future generations. Read More…
MSU Confessions: Internet Hate Machine or Community Forum?
The MSU Confessions Facebook page. Photo by Brent Zundel
By Pat Hessman and Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
April 18, 2013
“Gotta love being a little drunk in class. So much more willing to answer questions.”
“I don’t get it, all these girls are like I just want a cowboy, but when I ride the electronic horse in the Walmart for an hour none of them come and hit on me.”
“i wish i knew anyone else my age here at MSU who has cancer too, it’s often really lonely having no one to relate to when you’re hurting.”
That was a sampling of posts on the Facebook page Montana State University Confessions (MSUC.) Read More…
A Beer Drinker’s Manifesto
Author Brent Zundel
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
April 18, 2013
An old aphorism claims beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. And when one adds to Montana’s world-class beer offerings the breathtaking diversity of our landscape, from the eastern prairies to the western mountains, one could be forgiven for believing that Providence has especially favored our state.
If the state legislature maintains its sometimes wavering support of our homegrown microbreweries, Montana will be well on its way to establishing itself as the Napa Valley of beer within a few short years. Boasting the second most breweries per capita in the nation, we already have 38 breweries — with nearly 10 more in the works — that are adding value to the agricultural products that comprise the backbone of the state’s industry. Read More…
Montana GOP Outlines Strategy during Weeklong Retreat in Mordor
By Brent Zundel and Pat Hessman
For the MSU Exponent
April 11, 2013
Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s Sugarbeet page, a satirical biweekly feature that attempts to stimulate discussion of critical community issues.
Members of the Montana GOP outline their strategy during a recent weeklong retreat in Mordor. Illustration by Pat Hessman, MSU Exponent
The Dark Lord Sauron’s index finger was conspicuously bare as he stabbed at a Billings Gazette article about Gov. Steve Bullock’s plan to fight dark money in Montana politics.
“What do we need to do to better spread our cold grip across the state?” he bellowed as the savage roar of Republican legislators rose all around him. His thunderous words were well-received, with those in attendance firing assault rifles into the air, beating their foreheads with Bibles and knocking back shot after shot of Roughstock Montana Whiskey.
Speaking from behind the Black Gate, the Dark Lord led Republican legislators during their annual strategy retreat in Mordor. Throughout the weeklong event, Republicans from across the state looked at ways to move their party forward into the 19th century, from resisting any federal attempts to enforce gun control to fighting for lower taxes. Read More…
The Case for Ending Coal
A coal mine in the Powder River Basin. Photo courtesty itsgettinghotinhere.org
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
April 11, 2013
For generations, American Indians considered the arid rolling hills in the Powder River Basin sacred. From time to time, the ground would naturally catch fire, spewing smoke into the air.
The ground itself didn’t really catch fire, of course; rather, the coal locked up in it did. Today, that land is still sacred, though to a vastly different demographic. Read More…
Wine Not: Que Syrah, Syrah
Author Brent Zundel
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
April 4, 2013
This week, leave your beer mug on the shelf and dust off your long-stemmed glasses for a toast to Dionysus. We’re talking wine.
Wine production, or vinification, dates back to at least 6,000 BC, although different regions developed it at different times. While Montanans are becoming more and more familiar with craft beer, any wine fancier than Franzia still intimidates many college students. Read More…
Excrement News Briefs
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 28, 2013
Note: These satirical news briefs originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.
Financial Aid employee friendly, too friendly
According to witnesses in the student union building, last week a Financial Aid employee was acting “friendly … too friendly.” One jaded sophomore spoke to the Exponent on condition of anonymity, citing fears that Financial Aid would insert “even more” errors into her fall 2013 statement if they learned her identity.
According to the source, she still has no idea what the hell was behind the crocodile smile of the employee who helped her. “It just gave me the heebie-jeebies,” she said.
She left crestfallen after learning that the employee could do nothing to help her unless she returned five separate forms, written in iambic pentameter and relayed to the office in both song and written form.
“And then that son of a bitch smiled at me and asked if there was anything else he could help me with,” the unidentified sophomore said. “Yeah, finally he told me to ‘have a good day,’ so I told him to fuck off.”
Hope in engineering students’ eyes just too much for professor to bear
After spending the week meeting individually with each member of his graduating civil engineering senior design class, Prof. Sven Kjell just couldn’t take it anymore. “The glimmer of hope in their eyes was just too much for me to bear,” Kjell said. Read More…
The Excrement Brewponent
Author Brent Zundel
By Brent Zundel and Matt Kennedy
For the MSU Exponent
March 28, 2013
Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.
The Coffee-ponent
Turns out, coffee is way better than beer. I was trying to tell Brent this last week, but he was being a complete ass clown and wouldn’t hear me out. I was being super nice, really, and then he started shouting and threw beer in my face. So much for friends. Anyway, I’m sure the readers will see it my way, so I’m going to shell out the facts.
Unlike beer, coffee has rich cultural value. From the proud farmer to the discerning roaster, there is an inexorable love of the drink that runs through every moment of each bean’s existence. Beer’s only culture is moldy yeast. Brent tried to feed me this crap-beer he brewed in his closet — this was before he threw it all over my nicest shirt — which was probably brewed with his toenail clippings and spit. I’m surprised a hillbilly who drinks that swill can even write. Read More…
Author
Mountain Solitaire Author Brent Zundel
MOUNTAIN SOLITAIRE 