Archive | March 2011

Campus Crusade Partners with MSU Polo Team, Plans to Stage Actual Crusade

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 31, 2011

Note: This satirical news article originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.

In a move that has many members of the Bozeman community scratching their heads, MSU’s chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ has partnered with the polo team and announced plans to stage an actual crusade.

The polo team’s motivations were unclear, but sources point to a particularly painful loss at the hands of the Grizzlies last week. Many others believe the team is simply trying to raise student awareness of the fact that MSU has a polo club.

This sentiment was confirmed when the Exponent spoke with Peter Dawkins, a graduate student in religious studies. “I didn’t even know we had a polo team,” he said.

The MSU Archery and Fencing Clubs have also received invitations from CRU to participate.

CRU’s motivations have been more difficult to discern. Jerome Wood, a freshman member, claimed that the group was “tired of waging spiritual warfare against the powers of darkness that reside on campus” and wanted to wage a “literal crusade.” Read More…

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Mikeservations: Mike is Missing

By “Mike” Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 24, 2011

Note: Mikeservations, written by ex-Exponenter Mike Tarrant, was a weekly social commentary column run by the Exponent. Former Editor-in-chief Eric Dietrich remarked that the column “inspired both more complaints and (I’m told) more devout readership than almost any of our other content.”

Mikeservations, smallAt the Exponent, we are a dedicated bunch of student-journalists. That’s why the due date for all the articles in this week’s opinion section was, as always, the Thursday of the previous week.

Last Thursday, March 17, however, was different from every other Thursday. It was St. Patty’s Day.

As everyone who has met him already knows, Mike Tarrant enjoys a good beer, regardless of the time of day. He’s also from Butte.

With that evidence, understandably, no one has either heard from or seen Mike since he missed his St. Patty’s deadline. Anyone with information is encouraged to contact the Exponent office. Mike is easy to identify: He will be the one standing in the corner of the bar or party, drinking either Scotch or a Moose Drool, and glaring judgmentally at everyone else. Despite the persona he cultivates, he is safe to approach.

Last St. Patty’s Day, an individual who will remain nameless woke up in a minivan on blocks in an auto lot over five miles away from Uptown Butte, where he was last seen. Exponent members believe a similar fate befell Mike. Read More…

Public access under fire from Montana GOP

Public lands in the National Forest along the upper reaches of Lower Deer Creek, Montana. Photo by Brent Zundel

Public lands in the National Forest along the upper reaches of Lower Deer Creek, Montana. Photo by Brent Zundel

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 3, 2011

Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks employees might not be digging trenches in front of their offices around the state, but the agency is under fire from the Montana Legislature. Legislators are also attacking public access with over 150 bills that specifically target wildlife and public lands issues.

Some of the most ludicrous bills have been killed, but one of the most contentious still threatens Montanans. House Bill 309, sponsored by Rep. Jeff Welborn, R-Dillon, would gut the landmark 1985 Stream Access Law.

The result of conversations between landowners and recreationalists, the 1985 law allows public access in all rivers up to the high water mark, without regard to ownership of land below the river. In essence, it ensures that private citizens cannot own the rivers.

HB309 does not add any additional protection to private ditches – which are already protected under the old law. Instead, it would reclassify hundreds of miles of stream and river channels as irrigation ditches, thus inhibiting public access. Read More…