Archive | February 2012

Honors Program to Launch “Star Child Sequestration Program”

The Star Child Sequestration Program. Illustration by Brent Zundel

The Star Child Sequestration Program. Illustration by Brent Zundel

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
February 16, 2012

Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s Sugarbeet page, a satirical biweekly feature that attempts to stimulate discussion of critical community issues.

In what many professors are calling a “brave and necessary” move, MSU’s University Honors Program has launched the “Star Child Sequestration Program.” The new initiative, comprised of three phases, will allow administrators to sequester gifted “Star Children” after identifying their unique abilities, said Honors Director Mary Leah.

The first phase is “Identification,” in which honors students self-identify using a number of criteria. These include an inflated sense of self-worth, the ability to relate literally every abstract concept to Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” and thinking it’s appropriate to discuss the philosophical implications of Harry Potter, Star Wars or Lord of the Rings at 11 on Friday nights. Severe difficulties interacting with any member of campus who is unaffiliated with the Honors Program count as additional discretionary points. Read More…

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SUB Pub Should Move Forward: Let’s Build Community Over Montana Brews

MSU students Bronwyn Rolph and Chris Zimny enjoy locally brewed beers at the Bozeman Brewing Company taproom, while bartender Mitzi Kuall pours a pint. Photo by Brent Zundel

MSU students Bronwyn Rolph and Chris Zimny enjoy locally brewed beers at the Bozeman Brewing Company taproom, while bartender Mitzi Kuall pours a pint. Photo by Brent Zundel

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
February 9, 2012

The SUB Pub

Pint-based community-building could become a reality on MSU’s campus. Although the idea is in its infancy, a number of dedicated students have begun pushing to install a SUB Pub in the student union building.

While the concept has been discussed in the past, last fall’s student needs survey produced the “SUB Pub” proposal as one of students’ chief concerns, prompting student government to form an unofficial exploratory committee.

This column proposes an effective model for a tavern based on the success of local microbrewery tasting rooms, like the Bozone’s. As I conceptualize it, the SUB Pub would parallel the brewpubs that dot Montana. It would serve, in short, as a focal point of the SUB, a place where students and staff could meet for almost any reason. Read More…

Montana Hall Overthrown in ‘January Revolution’

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
February 2, 2012

Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s Sugarbeet page, a satirical biweekly feature that attempts to stimulate discussion of critical community issues.

After completing ECNS 101: The Economic Way of Thinking, a group of young, impressionable — and rabidly free-market — students from MSU have taken over Montana Hall, where the university is run by a panel of buttons and levers.

In response to the recent protracted recession, they are demanding that the university implement an austerity plan. Their proposal includes firing public sector employees—including all professors who don’t directly create jobs for their students—deregulating tuition and just generally getting the state and the university “out of the average student’s life.”

These laissez faire capitalists have held the university hostage since last Tuesday. Read More…