Campus Entertainment to Bring Nickelback to MSU
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 29, 2012
Note: This satirical news brief originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.
In a bold move last Tuesday, MSU’s Campus Entertainment announced plans to bring Canadian rock band Nickelback to the Brick Breeden Fieldhouse. “Last fall’s 3OH!3 and Plain White T’s concert was such an unequivocal success that we’ve decided to go even bigger this spring,” explained Campus Entertainment Director Johann Rodgers.
“Everybody loves Nickelback.” —Campus Entertainment Director Johann Rodgers
“We’ll get it right this time,” Rodgers promised.
“The 3OH!3 concert cost only $90,000 in student fees and had over 2,000 attendees,” said student senator Eliot Curvey. He explained that country music doesn’t sell well in Montana, but “skinny white-boy rap and rock music” does.
“My constituents might not all like Nickelback, but I do,” reasoned Curvey, while explaining the limitations of a representative government. “They don’t always know what’s best for them, so sometimes I just have to rely on my own moral compass. I know this is the right decision for MSU.”
The Nickelback concert will cost nearly $350,000 in student fees, effectively wiping out Campus Entertainment’s budget for the next five years. “Realistically, we’re probably going to have to raise student fees substantially to pay for this,” Curvey said.
“But this service to students totally justifies the cost,” Rodgers contended. “Everybody loves Nickelback.”
Last semester’s 3OH!3 concert was held during dead week. The Nickelback concert is tentatively scheduled for Monday, April 30 — the start of finals week. Instead of Dead Week Live, the promotional name given to last semester’s concert, this event will be called Finals Week Freak.
“Come take a break from frantically studying to pass your classes and enjoy Finals Week Freak,” read the advertisements plastered across campus as of last Friday. Campus Entertainment Associate Luigi Springhetti explained that a Nickelback concert is “the perfect way to de-stress at the start of the most stressful week of the semester.”
“Given the timing of the event, we expect attendance to be through the roof,” Rodgers said.