MSU Senior up in Arms over ‘Immature’ Freshman Class
By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
January 19, 2012
Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s Sugarbeet page, a satirical biweekly feature that attempts to stimulate discussion of critical community issues.
MSU senior Brent Zundel is up in arms over what he calls an “exceptionally immature” freshman class this semester. “It’s especially annoying, because they’ve already had a whole semester to get their shit together,” he bemoaned.
According to the few friends Zundel’s constant belly-aching has not alienated, at least three “effing Justin Bieber-lookalikes” [freshmen] have asked him for directions to obvious places like the SUB or Wilson Hall’s well-laid-out classrooms in the past week.
“I don’t even know why anyone would approach him,” said long-time roommate Chris Zimny. “He just looks angry as he scowls his way from class to class. I swear one night, I heard him crack open a beer and unzip his pants outside my bedroom door.”
Zundel, a jaded double major in civil engineering and Spanish, agreed to meet the Exponent for an interview “anywhere near campus that serves beer,” except for Specs. He explained that he still hasn’t forgiven the owner for his ill-conceived boycott of Montana beers during the last legislative session.
At the interview in Colombo’s, the Exponent reporter showed up to find Zundel already sitting in the dingy back corner with a half-empty pitcher of beer in front of him. His frighteningly white legs protruded from underneath his maroon bathrobe, with neither his pants nor his dignity anywhere to be found.
“The worst thing is that I’m in a freshman-level class this semester,” Zundel complained. He explained that his Surveying class had to spend time discussing “what engineering paper looks like” and “dumb” things like Desire2Learn.
After a long swig of Moose Drool, he continued: “If I’m going to wake up by 11 a.m. for this, I don’t want to deal with people who don’t have their shit together.”
He went on to lament their poorly worded questions. “Their vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever,” he said.
At this point, Zundel hinted that he expected the reporter to cover his exorbitant tab. When he was informed that the newspaper was $30,000 in the hole, he became belligerent. “Pinche cheapskates!” he slurred in Spanglish as he upended the table.
The reporter excused himself with an apologetic look to the management as Zundel started in on a new pint of porter—a beer as dark as his soul.
If you have a topic you’d like to see Mr. Zundel address in Mountain Solitaire; if you’d like to hire Mr. Zundel for freelance writing, reporting, editing, or photography; or if you would like to inquire about using written material and images from this website, please contact Mr. Zundel using the form on the "Contact" page, accessible from the main menu.
Unless otherwise noted, all images and writing on this website are copyrighted material and the property of Mr. Zundel
Search Mountain Solitaire
- RT @mattleow: Going fishing tomorrow. Hope the river isn't crowded with #MillionsOfMontanans 5 years ago
- Bright spot in otherwise potentially bad election for #publicaccess: Mike Wheat, Ruby River decision author, re-elected to MT Sup Ct. #mtpol 6 years ago
- RT @AmericanStudier: There's no recognition at all of Sauron's impressive record creating jobs for orcs and growing the Mordor economy. #ec… 6 years ago
- #Fulbright in danger of losing $30M. Save America's "flagship international academic exchange program" #SaveFulbright bit.ly/1gtQn7c 6 years ago
- #Montana named least-obese state in the nation. Big skies and healthy folks. motherjones.com/blue-marble/20… via @motherjones H/T @GFTrib_AFranz 6 years ago
- May 2015
- March 2015
- April 2014
- March 2014
- February 2014
- December 2013
- August 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- June 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- September 2011
- March 2011
- April 2010