By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 29, 2012

Note: This satirical news article originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.

None of this will be served at the new SUB Pub. Only Keystone. Photo by Brent Zundel

In a recent decision, SUB Director Dutch Hamburger has begun moving forward with plans to install a pub in the basement of the Student Union Building. The only caveat, he said, is that the new campus gathering place will serve exclusively Keystone beer.

“The Coors Brewing Company made us an offer we couldn’t refuse,” Hamburger said. A representative from the Bozeman Brewing Company responded to the Exponent’s request for comment. “We could sell cheap beer too, if we made it out of cat piss instead of barley,” he said, upset at not winning the contract to supply booze to MSU’s 13,500 students.

Dean of Students Matt Shares was initially hesitant about the idea. “At first, I thought that a SUB Pub would be a great way to support local breweries,” he said, listing off Bozone, 406 and Madison River. “But, more importantly, I think teaching college kids to drink responsibly is critical.”

“What could go wrong?” —Dean of Students Matt Shares Read More…