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31 March 2011  

Campus Crusade Partners with MSU Polo Team, Plans to Stage Actual Crusade

By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 31, 2011

Note: This satirical news article originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s annual April Fools’ Day edition, the Excrement.

In a move that has many members of the Bozeman community scratching their heads, MSU’s chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ has partnered with the polo team and announced plans to stage an actual crusade.

The polo team’s motivations were unclear, but sources point to a particularly painful loss at the hands of the Grizzlies last week. Many others believe the team is simply trying to raise student awareness of the fact that MSU has a polo club.

This sentiment was confirmed when the Exponent spoke with Peter Dawkins, a graduate student in religious studies. “I didn’t even know we had a polo team,” he said.

The MSU Archery and Fencing Clubs have also received invitations from CRU to participate.

CRU’s motivations have been more difficult to discern. Jerome Wood, a freshman member, claimed that the group was “tired of waging spiritual warfare against the powers of darkness that reside on campus” and wanted to wage a “literal crusade.” Read More…

24 March 2011  

Mikeservations: Mike is Missing

By “Mike” Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 24, 2011

Note: Mikeservations, written by ex-Exponenter Mike Tarrant, was a weekly social commentary column run by the Exponent. Former Editor-in-chief Eric Dietrich remarked that the column “inspired both more complaints and (I’m told) more devout readership than almost any of our other content.”

Mikeservations, smallAt the Exponent, we are a dedicated bunch of student-journalists. That’s why the due date for all the articles in this week’s opinion section was, as always, the Thursday of the previous week.

Last Thursday, March 17, however, was different from every other Thursday. It was St. Patty’s Day.

As everyone who has met him already knows, Mike Tarrant enjoys a good beer, regardless of the time of day. He’s also from Butte.

With that evidence, understandably, no one has either heard from or seen Mike since he missed his St. Patty’s deadline. Anyone with information is encouraged to contact the Exponent office. Mike is easy to identify: He will be the one standing in the corner of the bar or party, drinking either Scotch or a Moose Drool, and glaring judgmentally at everyone else. Despite the persona he cultivates, he is safe to approach.

Last St. Patty’s Day, an individual who will remain nameless woke up in a minivan on blocks in an auto lot over five miles away from Uptown Butte, where he was last seen. Exponent members believe a similar fate befell Mike. Read More…

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