By Brent Zundel
For the MSU Exponent
March 1, 2012

Note: This column originally appeared as part of the Exponent’s Sugarbeet page, a satirical biweekly feature that attempts to stimulate discussion of critical community issues.

In response to the wide diversity of potentially conflicting opinions presented in liberal arts institutes across the country, MSU announced plans this Monday to launch a “Conservative Arts” program. MSU professor and newly appointed program director Johan Oldmeier promised this new initiative will “make America great again,” presumably referring to the Golden Age of conservatism in a distant, romanticized past, when the Cuyahoga River caught fire due to a lack of pollutant regulation and people still died of things like polio.

“While liberal arts programs encourage introspective self-searching — like smoking weed,” Oldmeier explained, “this conservative arts program will focus on strict discipline and controlled learning environments, using the judicious application of medication and military force to obtain both.”

“Yes, that means Ritalin and corporal punishment,” he clarified. Read More…